musings of a bride-to-be

Wedding Budget: The Budget Tracker

2009-07-09T13:39:00.003-04:00

A budget tracker seems incredibly helpful in keeping tabs on the wedding budget. I browsed around for a while and the one I liked best was <http://docs.google.com/previewtemplate?id=0As3tAuweYU9QcHlVM3hrY2tocEkySUFRYmt1dlBITlE&mode=public>. This sort of self-policing on the expenses removes a lot of the stress and worry.

Also, if you want to check out the usual wedding expenses going on in your area the site http://www.costofwedding.com/ seems quite helpful.

Weddings on a Budget: Attire

2009-07-05T18:55:00.006-04:00

As my friends and family know, I am planning a wedding. It has been quite an interesting experience in the midst of the biggest economic crash since 1929, but hunting around for a beautiful wedding within our budget has actually been pretty fun particularly since we are going against the current trend of $22,000 weddings.

So, lately I have been spending lots of time shopping for my wedding dress. This purchase has taken on a near legendary stature. For me personally, I love clothing, designing, traditions, and a bohemian spin. At first I wanted to design and make my own wedding dress, but upon calmer reflection, realized that I would be peeling the paint off the walls with my fingernails if I tried that all by myself. So to the shops. First, shopping for the dress confirmed for me how little I like bridal boutiques. You have two or three people yammering to you that you should have ordered your dress two months ago while gushing that when you see the One you'll Know. Excuse me, are we talking about the groom here or the dress? There is only one of my groom in the world. He is irreplaceable and him I must have. A white dress is not quite so desperately limited. I love beautiful clothes, and because I have had the pleasure of working at costume shops around lovely garments, I have realized that there are dozens of dresses that would look equally spectacular on me. I shopped and found gorgeous diaphanous things that made me feel celestial: Demetrio's, Priscilla of Boston, Maggie Sottero, Pronovias, all beautiful. All for the mere cost of anywhere between $900 and $3,500. Now, wedding budgeteers say that the wedding attire (this includes the groom's attire as well) should be around 10% of the entire budget. So if I bought the very cheapest gown, add all other gament costs and Sean's attire that would make our budget somewhere around $15,800.

So, no Bridezilla boutiques for me, please. I likewise am not a huge fan of the synthetic fabrics at David's Bridal. I also pretty quickly nixed the idea of buying a used wedding dress as I want no bad dress karma, and I continued to search for another option. Dawn, my matron of honor told me about this place called ARIAdress. The company makes simple, unembellished patterns and you can choose to have the dress made of cotton eyelet, silk shantung, Duchess satin, silk satin or silk taffeta. The cost of a dress runs somewhere from $145 to $435 which is precisely the right cost for many bridal budgets right now. They ship out a sample dress for the cost of $15 (you cover shipping it back) for you to see if it is something you like and then go from there. I examined the dresses for quality and their simple designs are lined and well stitched. They seem to be a very good option. There are three stores in the nation, and this link to their contact info: http://www.ariadress.com/contact.htm. I have decided whether I will be going with them, but I am happy to know of their existence. If anyone has any experience with them please share it.

A Welcome Back Letter

2009-04-03T23:26:00.002-04:00

I told myself that tonight I am going to work on a watercolor of one of my bridal dress designs. It's not for myself on our big day, it's for a contest through Brides magazine. Design a dress! Win $10,000! Sean and I are still hoping for a winning lottery ticket or first prize in one of these crazy contests, so fingers crossed, right! The contest is due, let me check...11:59 PM April 6th. I only just bought the paints and paper today, so according to my M.O. of my schooling years I'm way ahead of schedule. Further updates later.

Allergic to Learning

2007-09-27T23:56:00.000-04:00

Update. I really was allergic to Intermediate Latin. Or the book at least. I exchanged my Aeneid book, and I'm fine now.

Also, the most amazing thing happened today. I am just going to say forgiveness is an amazing, a beautiful miracle.

Starting Over

2007-09-17T01:09:00.000-04:00

With this new school year -- the first in which I have been officially acknowledged as a college senior -- I thought I would start anew with a fresh motif for my blog. I rather like it.
As I write this, I glanced at the clock and realized that at 12:10 a.m. it is past my bedtime. That is right. Anyone familiar with me through my years of highschool and the beginnings of college would know that I was comfortable with a schedule more suitable to a vampire. For a while I managed to sleep all through the light hours and work/play through the night. Maturity breeds contempt. No. Familiarity is the mother of all invention.
I am positively tripping from an intense allergic reaction which has been like a self-invited and unwelcome relative. I felt like my left eye was trying to escape all day. I am accustomed to being a warmly sympathetic observer to Sean's allergy symptoms. While I truly empathized with him I did not want to actually join him in the drowning fuzziness of a failing battle with allergens. Sean comforted me by drawing a diagram of what my immune system was doing to me after going through a an hilariously elaborate ordeal to buy some antihistamines. It may be less complicated to buy a firearm in Texas than Clariten-D. Sean oddly enough was unscathed by nature today, while I slowly disintegrated into puddle of misery as I built a fortress of kleenex around myself. We finally figured that my allergies were worst while I was working on my Latin translation of The Aenied. Apparently, I am allergic to Intermediate Latin.

Incomprehensibly Genius

2007-06-27T15:28:00.000-04:00

A short list of bands who have entirely incomprehensible lyrics -- the sort that when you sing along you sound like thus: "A thousand, thousand phreeeeehh, we phaluuuuudeh." -- yet are still fantastic...whatever they may be saying.

AC/DC
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Bob Dylan
And sometimes Lynard Skynard (I think)

Any other additions from others?

Leave a Message After the Beep

2007-05-09T20:34:00.000-04:00

Meghan is out of the office at the moment on a finals vacation. She will return once her brain has uncurled from its fetal position. If your message is urgent, leave a message after the beep and she will return your call as soon possible.

Method for Solving an Argument a la Sean and Thom

2007-04-11T02:57:00.001-04:00

Why do I feel I've been here before?

We Few, We Happy Few

2007-04-02T03:00:00.000-04:00

<--Sort of how I feel after spending three days straight (with classes [including an astronomy class with a major exam] for breaks and minimal sleep) trying to squeeze the answer to the question "Who is Shakespeare's Henry V?" in a four page paper. If you are not familiar with Shaky Shake's Prince Hal that question is like, "Summarize the nature of God in two paragraphs." That analogy is confined strictly to difficulty and does not reflect Henry's similarity to God.

So, the jury is still out on my grade but I landed on the correct thesis (well, according to me and the prof) and my worn little paper earned my battle-weary affection.

Brief Break on Blogger Before it's Back to the Blasted Breakdown of the Bard

2007-03-30T14:45:00.000-04:00

It is a beautiful day today. I walked slowly around the pond in my apartment complex as I listened to Sean's message on my voicemail. The air is damp and weighty and far more pleasant than usual in Texas. Everything suddenly looks overflowing and lush and fertile. I stopped to enjoy the view across the pond because for once some terrain in the area looks attractive. I was not the only shocked onlooker either. A snarky white heron was perched along the bank as was a turtle hiding in the tall grass. The snarky white heron snarkily fluttered about four feet in the other direction. Like people who shift their weight around when another person joins their spacial region expressly to make clear that the region was much more pleasant a moment ago. The turtle turned his head in my direction, and I'm guessing that since turtles are too slow-moving to get snobbishly possessive about anything he rolled his eyes regarding the snarky heron. As I made my way around the pond I saw Maude, the second most hideous bird in North America, preening on top of the drain. (The first most hideous bird in North America is in Stratford, Canada and his name is Harold.) I continued my saunter across the most impotently pointless bridge ever constructed by adult humans. One of the pathways to my apartment is evolving into a bog with thick deep mud on either side and sludged across the sidewalk itself. Whenever it rains the sidewalk becomes a pond surrounded by a mini marsh. So by way of solution the powers that be in the complex built two long bridges about ten feet apart from each other with a moat of sludge and water in between them that you still have to wade through. Further, the wood is precariously thin and without crossbeams. Four boards have already been snapped in half by what I can only guess was something larger than an eight year old child. I actually really enjoy that area of the complex. It has the most personality.

Meghan's Blogger Ennui Symptoms Worsen

2007-03-25T13:48:00.001-04:00

My lack of actual posts combined with the amount of youtube videos I put up reveals how I have been investing my time this semester. Eh, oh well.

Still Feeling like Spring Break?

2007-03-24T23:29:00.001-04:00

The "Bully for Bugs" skit made Angel and Sean and I laugh so hard I had to put it up.

"Stop steamin' up my tail." Oh, Bugs.

Sexy Brit-Masquerading-as-Crooner Sexiness

2007-03-14T01:33:00.001-04:00

I Haven't a Clue

2007-03-13T02:46:00.001-04:00

To change the world you start...right here.

OSCAR 2007 Comedian Sketch

2007-03-08T00:01:00.001-05:00

I realize that I have been monumentally lazy at blogging lately. I also realize that anyone still checking my blog should be rewarded for persistence (or procrastination). So, I know it's long after the event, but this is one of the funniest videos I've seen in a while.

Lent is Difficult

2007-03-05T20:30:00.000-05:00

Take up new habits.

P.S. Those are suckers.

Wish We Were Here

2007-03-01T20:21:00.000-05:00

I thought I would share my desires with you and show where I would like to be to study.

These are pictures of Stan Hywet Hall, a place I have haunted (and worked during the summer of '05 for a theater company) since I was about fifteen. Go here if you are ever in the Northern part of Ohio and wondering why in heaven's name Ohio is "the heart of it all."

2007-02-27T02:51:00.000-05:00

First, you break from your cocoon to a new place with high hopes for an auspicious college career.Then, disappointed and abused, you go on the defensive.
You end jaded by throwing yourself from the precipice of that same alma mater (not for the sake of self-destruction but rather for the dubious satisfaction of turning your ankle and suing the institution.)

Culture and Such

2007-02-24T15:20:00.000-05:00

Have you ever wanted to swing from chandeliers, play with ladders & water glasses and jump on beds? Yeah, me too. You should go to the circus. Sean and I, Angel, Monica and Laina went yesterday and my goodness! Our wish list for the circus: Angel liked the trapeze artist (mainly because she had glitter in her hair and carried a gigantic red fan), Monica enjoyed the giggly Italian midget lady who dangled from huge balloons, Laina and I were taken with the girls in silky, undergarments who danced on swinging chandeliers and Sean was intrigued by the guys who balanced within a silver hoop (sort of like Leonardo's Vitruvian man) and there was a fantastic section where a man and a woman both balanced in the same hoop. It was pretty sexy.
Sean and I have been exploring the culture Texas has to offer since we've been down here. For Valentine's Day Sean took me to see Tchaikovsky's Romeo & Juliet at the Dallas Symphony Orchestra which was splendid. Scrumptulescent you might say. Tchaikovsky's piece is so engrossing (and so easily recognizable) and the symphony hall is apparently the second best in the world. Amazing date material there if you're looking for a hint. And Sean and I lucked out with both the symphony and Cirque du Soleil as we upgraded to better seats both times. So with a little exploration, Texas isn't too bad. I'm liking the results.

In the Spirit of Lent

2007-02-22T19:21:00.001-05:00

Here is some inspiration for your Lenten sacrifice.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Terrorism

2007-02-01T15:57:00.000-05:00

Boston, Massachusetts shut down from terrorism scare when two men placed magnetic, lit-up thingies of the Mooninite characters from the Adult Swim cartoon Aqua Teen Hunger Force: http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/story?id=2841646&page=1
Further proof that TV does create senseless chaos, inane violence and worthless rabble-rousing. I am outraged; as though "humor" were a shield for any person to hide behind. I will immediately request for the removal of Aqua Teen Hunger Force from Adult Swim, the destruction of every show ever made by these artists lest they cause more harm and finally petition for the death penalty for these two monsters before they do more lasting damage.

You have to watch the videos that go along with the news story. In a grave manner the news reporter announces that the two artists in charge of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force ad campaign broke a law recently instated in Boston: "that makes it illegal to plant a hoax device." Am I the only one torn between rage and hysterical laughter?

Oh, good.

I'm also conflicted at the reporters' snarky demands of how Stevens and Berdovsky felt guilty knowing they caused city-wide chaos. What are you supposed to say to that? "I'm sorry your momma raised you to be an idiot." One newscaster said, "Children were left stranded for hours at school." Think of the children! Won't somebody please think of the children!!!!

What's In a Name?

2007-01-31T21:41:00.000-05:00

There is a theory among some that names exercise a peculiar influence over the person so named. It is something more than simply, "You look like a so-and-so." If properly named by perceptive parents your name suits you as you begin to suit the name. By way of example, I am the only one with a Celtic name in my family and I am likewise the only one in my family with an interest in the Celtic culture. Meghan a pet name of Margaret means "pearl" i.e. something of great value due to the difficulties one must endure to acquire it. My middle name, Leigh, is an Old English name meaning "meadow." (Pearl in the meadow?)

I have named my young little lappy, Pandora due to her seductively mysterious innocence. This observation of her conflicting characteristics was apparently downright prophetic. I've been having issues with her being sluggish so I have been spending the last hour or so defragging and downloading more protective software. And what do I find in Pandora's Box but a plethora of tracking cookies and further suspicious looking technical barnacles. It's her damn curiosity . I should keep a close eye on her, I suppose.

The Larva Lamp

2007-01-30T20:10:00.000-05:00

I love this thing.

Enjoying the Little Pleasures in Life

2007-01-30T15:37:00.000-05:00

In the brief time that Angel and I have been residing in our new nest we have discovered several essential life lessons.
1) If it comes right down to it, the sleeping on the floor isn't that bad
2) however, some furniture is better than no furniture at all.
3) Penny-pinching when approached from the right angle can be turned into a competitive sport.
4) Paper Japanese lamps of funny shapes and dimensions will be targeted by Sean and named accordingly. In this case, simply and affectionately: "the Larva."
5) Angel's cooking can solve many, and I mean many, of the world's problems. I for one feel the quality of my life increased drastically.
6) And, finally, studying is easier in an apartment than in a freshmen dorm.

Belatedness: and Blame-Shifting

2007-01-12T16:28:00.000-05:00

Due to terrible and peevish quality of the dial-up my parents have to endure I was not available to announce my boyfriend's birthday strictly at midnight on the 10th. (Also, I was on the phone with him at midnight so that wouldn't have worked anyhow.) So, two days late:

Happy 23rd Birthday, Sean f. McNally!

I would love to take you here for your birthday...

and buy you several of these...

In the absence of this though, here are my good wishes: may your 23rd year be filled with blessings and much happiness.

-Me

Call Me Crazy

2007-01-08T13:32:00.000-05:00

...or just call me.

I just deleted an entire post that was completely and totally inane. Due to the lack of ready access to the internet, my creativity in my blog has dwindled to a trickle. Though my much loved critic of my blogging frequency is likewise MIA in his blog. Hmm? However, I will attempt (for the second time!) to fulfill his request.

To begin with, my primary goal this break was to relax after a rather draining semester. Within this intense (and ultimately exhusting) work I have been working all the intellectual faculites of my brain in planning the achievements of each of my future goals.

*
*
*
*

It will require all the strain and hard work such as I have exhibited over this break, but I'm sure I will be successful in the end.

A Day in Black

2006-12-27T23:34:00.000-05:00

In order to assuage certain people's anger (*coughseanandmonacough*) which occurs whenever I don't post, I have been trying to think of something to post. ...before I realized that in being out of college I've got nothing to say. Sorry. It happens. So I am going to try and bore you from checking this blog by describing my daily tasks:

To begin, today I went shopping with my mom, dad and sister. While wandering desperately throughout the store I browsed through...browsed through the...um, through the jewlery. Wow. That's boring me too much to finish.

I'll try again. Later at another store I shopped for clothing. Now, those who have known me for several years will have noted that three or four years ago my wardrobe was almost completely black. I gradually discovered other colors of the rainbow: colors such as gray, white and brown. After living with Monica and Maureen I was violently shoved into a world of bright "happy" colors. Further, whenever Mona and I shopped together she would constantly throw more bright colors at me to try on in order to confuse me into buying anything not neuteral. I did not dislike the result. However, since Monica wasn't around to run interference between me and the black section of the clothing store, today I came away with four black items to add to my wardrobe. Eh, whaddayagonnado? It worked for Queen Victoria.

Revisiting

2006-12-19T03:06:00.000-05:00

As I was pacing through the kitchen fully indulging in any symptoms of ADD I could clutch at in the efforts to avoid my work, it hit me just how little my life seems to change whenever I come home again. I feel as though I have matured far beyond my years until I fly back to the nest. The similarities between what I'm doing now and what I was doing last December is ridiculous:

Within ten hours I had a cathartic argument with my mom and now things are fine. I guess that's simply tradition at this point.
I am staying up all night to finish writing a paper which was extended for me. This is a leftover symptom of homeschooling when I could take the entire semester to write a ten page research paper. "Deadline! What the hell kind of wicked threat of torture is this 'Dead Line' of which you speak?"
My parents still don't have much more than condiments, milk and cayenne pepper in the fridge, and I rely on toast and tea to sustain myself through my self-inflicted all-nighter.
Every morning I make myself and whoever is around scrambled eggs and cappuccino.
The pets still follow me around like I'm wearing catnip. They're sleeping on the couch next to me right now and will follow me to my room as soon as I'm finished. (Sorry, Sean. That probably gave you an allergic reaction just thinking about it.)
I got an allergic reaction from a Brazil nut that touched the counter hours earlier. (Someone tell me what is festive about Brazil nuts, because Christmas is about the only time I see the little buggers.)
My sister still insists that I tag along on every shopping trip so she doesn't have to be lonely.

However, there are some changes which allow me to realize that time is not completely suspended in Walton Hills.

My parents are now officially health nuts so now they only have organic condiments, milk and cayenne pepper in the fridge.
The pets are fatter. And weirder.
I don't smoke anymore so the distractions have now filtered toward my laptop. Thank goodness I have iTunes.
My goddaughter Ava is so big! She's running now!
And finally, if anything I miss Sean more now than I ever did. I feel rather pale when I'm not with him.

And now, the distractions must come to an end so that I might finish my paper.

Happy Feast Day!

2006-12-12T04:43:00.000-05:00

Enjoy the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe, patroness of the Americas!

Geometry Homework...

2006-12-08T03:54:00.000-05:00

...seriously. This is the class work from this week's classes and it will be about half of my studying for finals. I am so lucky. I was under the impression that math was the bastard child of Adolf Hitler (not you, Mel, the other one) but geometry doesn't count. I enjoy it. In fact I got a 118% in the last exam.

P.S. The purpose of this entire post is merely to boast. I hope you liked I because i sure did.

P.S. 2. I mean, I got a C- in Finite math. C'mon!

Goals

2006-12-03T20:18:00.000-05:00

I do not want to work. And I mean at all. Must get going. Must bribe myself with the play "Becket." Cannot go unless I get a page written. Yeah. And if that doesn't work I am holding St. Thomas Becket personally responsible. We've been through a lot together so far, Thomas. Don't fail me now!

Diversions

2006-12-01T03:10:00.000-05:00

I call it "Keeping the Flame of Education Burning: or Playing with Candle Wax."

Work

2006-11-29T23:46:00.000-05:00

Hard to Concentrate

2006-11-28T20:29:00.000-05:00

Drive-by update

Jr. Poet panel went well. Enjoyed it immensely. Received invitation from Dr. Gregory to "get together and chat about Eliot" which I will totally do if that comes to fruition.
Exhausted from Jr. Poet and still am. Mentally checked out from college.
Freshman flirted with Sean shamelessly until she found out he was dating me. First time I've wanted to punch another girl in the face since I was about twelve. Still get angry when I see her. Don't know why.
Birthday: Got lots of messages from people. Made me very happy. But I enjoyed Sean's gifts the most as they were amazing. He knows what I like; it's actually almost startling.
Thanksgiving at Dagny's was wonderful. Her family was very welcoming, the food was delightful as can only be expected from Dagny, I played tennis for the first since...um, age twelve, chilled out in hot tub, built a fire, played Scrabble, met adorable blond three year old. It was good (wow, weirdest picture assembly ever. I'm afraid to do anything now.)
Now, Sean is busy with papers and I am in extreme post-Thanksgiving funk which my Mom defines as an excessively contemplative analysis of one's life (often beginning with one's birth). We'll see what comes of that. At the moment though I think it will help me with my Eliot imitation poem.

I hope this post is somewhat satisfactory. Feedback welcome.

2006-11-14T21:01:00.000-05:00

Brigid and I are doing our panels for Jr. Poet this Thursday. It's going to be really exciting. I mean, look at these guys; how can we go wrong? Amazing.

I asked Fr. Maguire to give me a blessing for my panel. I'm thinking about asking him again on Thursday just so I an hear the blessing once more. It was wonderful: protect you, your family, your friends, your possessions; guide you toward the elements which will help you to heaven...and also, do well on the panel. I loved it, and I love the smell of holy chrism. Catholicism smells beautiful. Reigel listened to my mock panel today, and I feel really excited to do the real thing. I hope this lasts till Thursday because right now I'm dying to chat about Eliot.

Everyone needs to pray for us. Spread the word!

Chi'llaxin' = Priceless

2006-11-02T04:50:00.000-05:00

European art deco atmosphere: $12
terry cloth bathrobes: $35
complimentary breakfast: $10/15
cable TV, no static: $12
toiletries: $7
afternoon cookies and milk: $2
a night with designer bedding: $24
sauna/spa: $30
availability of Starbucks: $5
blackout curtains: $10
the luxury of couch & pillows: $15 +
____________________________

$199.50

The Week of Extremes

2006-10-31T20:06:00.000-05:00

My week: draining, humbling, scary, amusing, lovely. I will communicate with some coherence at some later date in my life, not before.

Immediate question of this week: will I survive this last push of the Jr. Poet class without being reduced to tears? Doubtful, but the jury is still out.
Primary question of this week: given that college is not the definitive aspect of my existence (think goodness) and there is a whole life out there after college, is this experience making me a more capable person able to handle other more important questions of life? Absolutely, yes.
Sean's proof that I will succeed in my panel November 17th: I know the correct spelling of "Eliot" (Note: most assuredly not "Elliot")
Will I continue to love Eliot after this "marriage" of minds for the J.Po. class: yes, much more so even, but our relationship cannot last in the long run because frankly, he's just too serious (i.e. ponderously erudite) for me. This lacking in Eliot was made even clearer yesterday, because I could relish the company of the other man in my life, and Eliot's only serious rival, Sean f. We enjoyed a lovely study session together in the library during which he pounded me in the game of Proximity with the most absurdly thorough consistency I have ever experienced. He clearly was using a rigged game because that is just not possible. How many 20s can one side receive?!?!?! Oh, look at the Proximity picture, Sean! The Blue Armies must be yours. I won the Scrabble game though. That's the only thing that's saving my ego. That and the serenade from the gentleman in the next room. Overall, this week has been a Ring of Fire. Frightening, taxing, and wonderful.

Meditations on Squishiness

2006-10-20T01:53:00.000-04:00

I just threw my disposable contacts away tonight, after they bugged out while I was pouring over my Jr. Poet articles. As I was tossing them in the Texas-Trashcan, caressing their jellyfish-like squishiness one last time, I paused and realized that I felt a subtle twinge of the conscience. It seemed almost like a desecration or a betrayal to merely dump them with the old teabags. They were in my eyes for two months. It's almost like a relationship: we went through the rough patches like when I spent the entire Latin Grammer Review class vigorous rotating my right contact around trying to get whatever fleck of pain was scratching my cornea into spasms. Even through the misty film of excruciating ocular agony, I realized that it was worth working through because of the clarity and guidance the contacts always gave me, no matter what. And now...at the end I merely toss it in a $4.75 trashcan beacuse that is the acceptable finale. I suppose some people reading this will think I am over-reacting. It is that same callousness, however, that justifies "burying" the pet goldfish by flushing him down the toilet. Just as you cannot flush a pet, something you named and talked to, it seems equally grotesque to wad up your contacts and think no more. They were not merely two plastic disks suctioned to your eyes; as Rasselas the Depressed Goldfish listened when you were lonely (as well as anything can listen when under water) your contacts stuck by you and gave you the gift of sight, you bat-blind ingrate. They deserve something better. I hope I've given you all something to think about.

The Lazy Literature Blogger

2006-10-19T05:01:00.000-04:00

One Art
by Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

The "Free Verse" Blog : Illustrated

2006-10-12T01:30:00.000-04:00

First and foremost, "Happy Birthday, Shannon!" I shall toast to your health and happiness and imagine myself back in Independence with you and Moses smoking flavored camels, complaining about life, and thinking how much better things would be if we were in control of the world.

Second, to quote one of my favorite movies, which was quoting one of my favorite poets who was quoting one of my favorite books which the movie previously mentioned was based upon (this is why I became a literature major) (pardon the language, it’s a Vietnam movie): This is the way the f***ing world ends. Look at this f***ing shit we're in, man. Not with a bang, a whimper. And with a whimper I'm f***ing splitting, Jack! footnote
1. Apocalypse Now, The Hollow Men by T.S. Eliot and The Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad.

Third, my Love wants to enjoy some r&r tomorrow, but due to my lack of paper right now, I have a feeling I’m going to be trashed. I'm glad he finds loopiness cute. *sigh* never mind. School is bad for me sometimes.

The Waste Land

2006-10-10T21:16:00.000-04:00

Academia is a Waste Land. No, not really, I'm just working on an Eliot paper. I love him...right, Sean? Right? Sean?

You know a class is successful when it gives you nervous tics.

The Departed

2006-10-08T13:43:00.000-04:00

Sean, Michael and I went to see The Departed last night. In case you had missed The AviatorLeonardo Dicaprio can actually act. He stands up very respectably against the taxing presence of both Jack Nickelson and Martin Sheen. Thank goodness he came out of The Beach slump so thouroughly.
Possibly the one thing I would change about the movie is more Mark Walberg screentime. All he has to do is breathe on screen to get an audience reaction. Remember the Calvin Klein ads? Oh, Marky Mark you're so hot. Never saw a lasting career coming out of that. Anyway, you should see The Departed.

The Good Day

2006-10-04T23:58:00.000-04:00

Happy St. Francis day (and happy name day, Sean!)
Happy birthday, Daveand here's to 22 years of awesomeness!

The Study of the Great but Wriddle-Bear

2006-10-04T21:17:00.000-04:00

I figured that UD would inspire new interests, and I am surprised to find that one of those new hobbies includes the migratory patterns as well as eating and sleeping habits of certain striking species. One which I have tracked and well documented today is a very rare and endangered species called the Bwiggy-Bear. It, or rather she, displays very particular preferences in her behavior which require careful attention. To begin with, she is generally seen with a companion and the two together display very peculiar eating habits. The creatures will in fact travel exorbitant distances to ensure the best environment in which to consume their prey. Not contented with the areas common to other, lowly species they search until a locale with a dominant character has been procured. After this has been achieved, the magnificent creatures noticably settle into a posture of relaxation and recreation, namely, the viewing of a series of scenes captured on camera of creatures with a vaguely similar disposition, or at least sense of humor. Unfortunately, on occassion, such locales of dominance are overtaken by slightly more powerful creatures requiring such places for board meetings. The Great but Wriddle Bear ascents gracefully enough, acknowledging an obvious defeat. Immediately following such exercises, the Wriddle Bear parts ways with her companion (who leaves to meet with the male courting for her attention) and seeks out a cove of solitude and quiet in which to digest. Now would be an excellent time to explain that this lovely specimen of God's Creation is only endangered because she is under attack by callous people! This intelligent animal thrives on the above mentioned patterns and habits and these environments themselves are under attack! Soon the Wriddle Bear may not be able to eat in the Meeting Room of dominance. Save the Wriddle Bear! And save the Cove of Quiet!

I hope to one day capture the migratory patterns and particular habits of a very fine species closely related to the Wriddle Bear, who strongly resembles a fox (in his foxiness), but he is difficult to track due to his excessive mobility. I hope that soon I will manage to accurately track his schedule.

Love and a Gentle Heart Are But One Thing

2006-10-02T00:08:00.000-04:00

Love and a gentle heart are but one thing,
as the philosopher in his sentence wrote;
so they without each other live dare not
as rational spirit without reasoning.

‘Tis nature, when in love, makes Love a king, 5
and in his mansion lodges then the heart,
wherein he rests, as in his habitat,
either in brief or lengthy slumbering.

Beauty in a wise lady then appears,
which so delights the eye, the heart is taken 10
with longings of the thing that pleases so;

and this delight at times so long endures
it makes Love’s very spirit soon awaken.
The same a woman feels about man’s awe.

Hot Springs, AK

2006-10-01T23:09:00.000-04:00

I was sifting through some pictures, and here's one from the road trip down here.

One Year (...and a day)

2006-09-30T20:18:00.000-04:00

Sean McNally and I just enjoyed a one year anniversary celebration yesterday! Sean bought me this tea set from Scotland as my present and then we went to Cool Rivers one of the better resturants in the area. The best of Cool Rivers was their imported beer. I believe that when we started dating Sean and I both claimed to think that it was silly to have dating anniversaries and whatnot; yet when you realize that you've accomplished a year of dating and all the history that goes along with that, it's most certainly worth celebrating. So my year old statement is retracted and I'm looking forward to future celebrations.

Pearls of Wisdom

2006-09-28T00:26:00.001-04:00

Papers to write? A little stressed over the workload? Take some advice from one P.G. Wodehouse about writer's block, "Sit down and stare at the sheet of paper until your forehead starts to bleed." A little graphic, I'll admit, but effective.

I've just enjoyed a little defragging of the new notebook, so I'm going to enjoy a little light reading and then bed.

Welcome to the 20th Century...Wait, 21st?!?! C'mon!

2006-09-26T20:31:00.000-04:00

I got a laptop, a laptop, a laptop. And she's gorgeous. I am counting on this charming little technological addition to drastically improve my grades. Not to complain too heartily, but UD is no walk in the park. I am stuck in an ugly cinderblock dorm which requires the use of shower flipflops (enough said there, yes?) and the core is so finely crafted that I should have been preparing for such terrors as my Jr. Poet class for the past two years. But no! I find myself in a situation roughly equivelent to falling asleep after a nice picnic and waking up in a war zone. Wow, I'm clearly delusional with lack of sleep for comparing the last year of Ave to a summer picnic. I should get going. Regardless, UD is still quite enjoyable, Sean and I get to spend some time together in between classes and work, classes are still engaging, and I still have a laptop, Brigid is still chewing the scenery, Monica is around quite a bit, etc. etc. So life is good.

...Satisne sanus est?!

2006-09-24T23:46:00.000-04:00

I thought this went along quite well with the Latin quote which has become my personal favorite: "Satisne sanus est?!" which is the Latin equivelent of demanding, "Are you crazy?!"

And to close, before I delve into troubadour poetry, I thought I'd share two of my favorite Brigid quotes.
"No. Don't explain my comment. It's better when you take it out of context."
"This is supremely dumb. I can't find my list of goals. What's the point of having goals if you can't find them?"

Dante Gabriel Rossetti

2006-09-20T00:27:00.000-04:00

Sean told me to look into Rossetti and this poem took my breath away.

Silent Noon

Your hands lie open in the long fresh grass--
The finger-points look through like rosy blooms:
Your eyes smile peace. The pasture gleams and glooms
'Neath billowing skies that scatter and amass.
All round our nest, far as the eye can pass,
Are golden kingcup-fields with silver edge
Where the cow-parsley skirts the hawthorn-hedge.
'Tis visible silence, still as the hour-glass.

Deep in the sun-searched growths the dragonfly
Hangs like a blue thread loosened from the sky:
So this winged hour is dropt to us from above.
Oh! clasp we to our hearts, for deathless dower,
This close-companioned inarticulate hour
When twofold silence was the song of love.

P.S. Monica! The omission was utterly unintentional and merely underscores the confused drivel of my brain! Your presence is like the malt smell of the city of Edinburg!

On the Spot

2006-09-18T21:03:00.000-04:00

(Yes, Sean. I am continuing the worst joke of the day.)

Brief update before I dash off to Reigel's for Jr. Poet readings.

1) I love talking to my boyfiend. Much can be said for some gentle masculine logic when one is upset. Sean almost always knows what to say. He's good to have around.
2) I miss Shannon. Very much.
3) 24 hours is not nearly enough time to get sthings done.
4) The Jr. Poet will kill me.
5) I love UD
6) I'm so thankful Brigid, with her well-aimed sarcasm, is my roommate
7) Education is destroying my sense of humor:
Sean: you look nice today.
Meghan: (wearing a new polka dot shirt) Do you like my shirt?
Sean: Um, I think so.
Meghan: I bought it so I could be easily spotted.
Polka dot pun! Burn.

OK, now for some poetry reading.

Go See It

2006-09-16T23:07:00.000-04:00

"You took a vow of silence because of Frederick Nietzsche?...Far out."

The Dark Side

2006-09-15T15:47:00.000-04:00

Do you want to hear a secret?

Are you sure?

For the sake of honesty and at the risk of losing friends, I have become...a complete nerd. (Not a dork. There is a difference. Right, Brigid?) Not only do I study for the majority of my days, stay up late on week nights studying, beg my boyfriend to study with me (not talk! Would you quit distracting me, Sean?!), when I'm not studying I'm thinking about it. When I wake up dewy and sleepy-eyed in the mornings, I begin mentally scanning poems we covered in class. It sounds like a joke, but, oh no, it's true. I've turned into the the type of person I used to make fun of. My drug of choice is now nasal spray (I call it my liquid cocaine), my companions are Donne and Wilber and Wordsworth and my heart is light.

Now you'd think I would hide this in order to ensure that my incredibly savvy, uber-sexy boyfriend would still be seen in public with me. And trust me, I was worried at first. Then I realized that he failed to notice this dramatic shift from cool because he had long ago crossed over into the dark side and in fact, had become its king.

Sonnet Tease

2006-09-07T12:15:00.000-04:00

From fairest creatures we desire increase,
That thereby beauty's rose might never die,
But as the riper should by time decease,
His tender heir might bear his memory;
But thou, contracted to thine own bright eyes,
Feed'st thy light's flame with self-substantial fuel,
Making a famine where abundance lies,
Thyself thy foe, to thy sweet self too cruel.
Thou that art now the world's fresh ornament
And only herald to the gaudy spring,
Within thine own bud buriest thy content,
And, tender churl, mak'st waste in niggarding.
Pity the world, or else the glutton be,
To eat the world's due, by the grave and thee.

- Shakespeare, Wm

BIG Update

2006-09-06T15:42:00.000-04:00

To continue the bug news: Brigid and I saw a gargantuan water bug (a distant relative of the cockroach). The little bastard ran at us at a demonically high speed and then promptly disappeared. Brigid and I screamed heartily.

Everything Is Bigger In Texas

2006-09-04T15:21:00.000-04:00

I realize this is a state-pride thing but why the bugs? I think they are just taking it too far. I mean, seriously, must they be the size of dinosaurs?!

And now we have to be concerned for their health issues as well?!
C'MON!

I've Made a Huge Mistake

2006-08-28T17:52:00.000-04:00

Just kidding.

I love Dallas.

Yeah, love it.

Coming to UD after attending a school that was doing its best imitation of the Titanic sinking is immensely refreshing. Though the powers that be behind the alma mater are still doing their level best to make things overly complex. Apparently UD has not yet received certain promised financial aid. It's incredibly unfortunate that certain difficulties are souring my memory of AMC; those were some of the best years of my life thus far yet this traumatic conclusion is spoiling quite a bit. It's very much like malicious ventriloquism with a corpse. But...be that as it may.

I underwent a brief lecture from my faculty advisor who is fast becoming a favorite of mine. He treats me with a fatherly concern and dismissal that is very homey. He warned me to be wary of surrendering too easily to my theater bug at the expense of my other studies since grad school is on the radar. That was a wise bit of information...but I'm already trying to figure out a way around it. He then said, "So what do you want to do with your life?"
"Um, do you want the entire run down or are you looking for the abbreviation?"
"Whichever is most enlightening."
"Well, I have the classic problem of a woman pursuing higher education because, obviously, I want an good degree and a fulfilling job, but I also want to get married within the next couple of years. By the way, my boyfriend is new to the grad school this semester, so you may meet him..."
At this point, he leaned back knowingly in the chair, tilted his chin back and -- I kid you not -- pressed the tips of his fingers together. This is the classic, adult, "You are young and dumb; how precious; I'll give you the next five minutes to correct it."
"Might I ask a question of you?"
"You're going to ask me if I followed my boyfriend down here, aren't you?" He laughed at this.
"Yes, one of the 'get the degree to get the marriage' ploys."
"No, no, don't worry. My literature professor from AMC recommmended UD for the lit department long before Sean decided to come. I thought long and hard about the University."
"Ok Ok, I'm glad to hear it."
It was really great to have that kind of bemused concern from a faculty member I just met. And all that being said, I am so happy Sean and I can both go to UD for further education. It's a wonderful place, I'm really enjoying myself and it makes it that much more real since Sean is here as well. Sort of the difference between black & white and techni-color. It's a huge relief actually. I made up my mind that since Sean was coming to UD I couldn't just to prove that I wasn't following him. Thank goodness that was proven wrong. Because this prolonged meeting of our paths made my life loads better and far, far more fun.

A Good Man is Hard to Find

2006-08-16T15:27:00.000-04:00

"We hear many complaints about the prevalence of violence in modern fiction, and it is always assumed that this violence is a bad thing and meant to be an end in itself. With the serious writer, violence is never an end in itself. It is the extreme situation that best reveals what we are essentially, and I believe these are times when writers are more interested in what we are essentially than in the tenor of our daily lives. Violence is a force which can be used for good or evil, and among other things taken by it is the kingdom of heaven. But regardless of what can be taken by it, the man in the violent situation reveals those qualities least dispensable in his personality, those qualities which are all he will have to take into eternity with him; and since the characters in this story are all on the verge of eternity, it is appropriate to think of what they take with them. In any case, I hope that if you consider these points in connection with the story, you will come to see it as something more than an account of a family murdered on the way to Florida."

-Flannery O'Connor "On Her Own Work"

Scrabble Goddesses

2006-08-10T10:37:00.000-04:00

My salad days continue on as I wrap up all of my effects before I move back home, then on to Dallas. Last night Natalie and I bought Scrabble on an impulse, and then rediscovered why we didn't like the game when we were kids. We are now determined to become masters of the game. I am currently rather lonely this morning as Natalie left earlier. However, the gang of older gentlemen who root through the dumpster directly below my living room window generally keep me company. Whenever I hear the familiar rustle and bang of glass on metal and I attempt to avoid walking past the window (the Dumpster Rooters are about eye-level with my shins) I feel that much less lonely.

Before she left, Natalie deemed that has become almost necessary for me to wean myself off of Red Hot Chili Peppers, at least temporarily. Her primary reason for this demand was because last night I dreamed that Anthony, the lead singer of RHCP, drove me to Dallas in a red Neon. Now I feel I should point out that while I enjoyed the trip with Anthony, for the duration of the trip I was anticipating meeting up with Sean (who was driving another compact car). So even in my subconscious I have my priorities ordered.

The Inmates Have Taken Over the Asylum,

2006-08-09T11:47:00.000-04:00

but my judgement may be impaired by my Stockholm Syndrome. I'm not sure.

I am locked in a severely transitional rut at this moment as I attempt to tie up all the loose ends that were cut loose in AMC so that I might complete my education at an accredited institution a.k.a. the University of Dallas. The main conclusion which I have come to is that tranferring is hard. However, it is made considerably more difficult when all of your professors are moving away to new jobs and the staff is swiftly downsized. You have a lot of conversations like this: "You need to get a signature from the financial aid department? Well, the entire office was just let go last week. Yeah, three people work for my college now. I know, funny, huh?" Bewildered pity from strangers over the phone is oddly comforting. However, certain things make the pain less acute like the promptness and reliabilty of professors like Dr. Beiting, silent sympathy from fellow AMC vets, and the assurance that one's college education cannot possibly get more convoluted than it is at present. I also comfort myself by watching my favorite show. I almost never remembered Arrested Development was on Sundays when it was on the air, but now I have it in handy DVD format, and Sean and I actually spend time in casting our friends in the roles in the show.

Michael: Did mother lock you out on the balcony?
Buster: That was partly my fault. I thought I saw a graham cracker out there.
Michael: You baited the balcony?!
Lucille: Prove it.

The Kid

2006-07-21T23:33:00.000-04:00

At a juncture such as this one I have one of two choices: I might shambled back into the protected woods of cyber isolation or return to the civilized lifestyle of excessive self-analysis and the amusement of the masses. Evidently, my choice has been made. Now the question is do I attempt a recap of the, um bit of time, which has passed undocumented? This is a question which I think has wide appeal; many of us lazy bloggers are left wondering about such things. Maybe I can venture into the world of capitalism by writing a how-to book on the etiquette of blogging. I know Thom would buy a copy, and then tell me what I was lacking.

The summer has...um, progressed. I have learned the life of a college student living in a city apartment between terms. Do you know what this entails? Working whenever one gets the opportunity and then stewing over the fact that one is over-qualified for every job offered and every job one might want requires about 17 years of further schooling. I am shocked that any college student survives living on her own under such conditions. Though I'm beginning to think that it is indeed worse for me and my compatriots because the stifling economy is offering us a lot of free time to ponder. OK, I use hyperbole for effect. It is not that dire. I am actually immensely enjoying the bizarre stage which is the present. I have the freedom long dreamt of yet I still feel like a child pretending to be grown up. Does life have this feeling for a while? Natalie and I got really exited that we were picking up Laina from the airport because, good night, doesn't that sound exotic and pretentiously adult? We wondered whether the rest of adulthood is going to be that interesting for its newness. (I'm thinking yes since it will only get newer and more foreign: 'You must be graduation. I've heard so much about you. Why hello, Marriage, have we met? Oh, morning sickness, chubby babies and late night feedings, welcome! Carreer conflicts, moving, family reunions, arthritis, grandchildren!' I mean, you've got the think that if a person has the right attitude life is just going to get better and better, right?)

"How come you're talking so much?" -Butch
"I dunno. Naturally blabby I guess." -The Kid
See you tomorrow.

The Uber Update

2006-05-19T16:49:00.000-04:00

[Kids, I have bad news: to encourage my already morbid failure to update I can only use the library computer lad which closes, like now. So secret messages will be less frequent bu hopefully quality can make up for quantity.]

Thus, the uber update in brief:

Last week, Monica and I engaged in possibly the most absurd attempt to efficiently return home on foot ever. The walk from Ave Maria to our apartment is roughly one mile. Which is completely reasonable and within the capabilities of two fine young ladies like ourselves. We were each carting around paper bags crammed full of groceries people had shuffled off, I mean kindly offered to us. We decided to stop by College Inn to get dinner. The owner, who has to be one of the sweetest men in Ypsi, gave Monica and I two free Reese's pies. We had a nice little chat with his adorable nine year old daughter. Under the glow of such wonderful effects we thought the world was warm and sunny. Not so, not so. Unbeknownst to us, the Deluge had started outside. We asked the pizza boy who Monica was shamelessly flirting with (that's for kicking the plug out of the computer and shutting everything down. Ha! OK now I forgive you.) to get us a plastic bag for the pizza. So we embarked, or rather swam down the sidewalk to return home. My contacts were soon washed from my eyes. Monica kept losing her flipflops. Half-way there, Monica's bag ripped and we lost most of the groceries and...yes...her pie. For the rest of the walk I kept my eye on my pie yearning, hoping. Just as we were cresting the corner to our safehaven, my bag ripped open and I watched horror-stricken, as my pie tumbled to the ground with the rest of the food. I was determined at this point. *secret message* I made the choice. The pie would not be forsaken. I left everything else scattered across the sidewalk but the pie I saved. All that was left was a sadly torn, soaked paper bag, but I had my pie.

And that's when Monica and I realized we were trapped in a chick flick about two best friends out on their own for the first ever. Will they survive the mean streets of Ypsilanti, MI? (Who would have thought the drowning in the rain would be plot line?) Beyonce and Halle Berry are vying for Monica's role (Berry's reps insist she's not too old) while Linsdey Lohan will portray Meghan.

...to be contined (the library's closing).

Springtime in Ypsi

2006-05-11T15:30:00.000-04:00

City Dwelling week one in brief:
Moving into a city apartment should not prove excessively challenging, right?

The Move and all that entails.
In living the life of the liberal arts we must keep every reference of school and every item of memorabilia (for sentimental as well as historic pusposes because any or all of these may carry the potential to change the world). In addition to all the heavy boxes this commitment entails, everyone left on campus attempts to be as helpful as possible and offers all the odds and ends they could not take with them. Result: For the first two days of this new life, Monica and I dwell in a tiny apartment crammed full of cans of chick peas, half-empty boxes of mystery items we still cannot identify, notebooks of classes we mostly day-dreamed through and roughly eighteen scapulars. (Honestly, almost every box I open, I find a scapular. Does anyone need one?) All of this self-reflective saving concludes with me tossing many of these items out the window and into the dumpster.

The Shut-Down.
Dr. Beiting heard of the Ave Maria shut-down described to a sympathetic outsider. The outsider said, "That's the craziest thing I've ever heard." What profession is this person in? The oil industry in the Middle East. Makes you think.

You Don't Have to Go It Alone

2006-05-03T01:15:00.000-04:00

Choir practice today...
we've finally learned the songs after four months, so Non Nobis no longer sounds like cats drowning and the Mass is gorgeous. I have no idea how Mrs. Fed manages to coax the choir into it beauty every semester considering how horrific it always sounds at the beginning. The solo sections to Mozart's Gloria sound pretty dang cool, (woohoo!) and I particularly love the soloists parts in the Kyrie. Wow, I'm so impressed with us...

Mrs. Fed. Quotes of the Day:
On the tenors coming in late: "It is a Ukrainian saying when people arrive late, 'Taking mustard after dinner.'"
On the altos dying with a whimper during Sicut Cervus: "It's like knitting a sweater, you can't stop half-way through!"

She is utterly bewitching. I want to be her when I grow up.

I received a gorgeous bunch of sunflowers and...spiky blue flowers (?) from Sean today. Each girl who came in and saw them was really quite impressed with the gift during the sick stress of Ave finals. (So, major kudos to you from all of Gabriel Hall) I woke up so exhusted and stressed and worried this morning but seeing the flowers on my kitchen table changed everything.

In other news, I almost broke my thumb yesterday. Further developments in my premature aging due to the excesses of college life includes really creaky joints (due to a severe lack of physical exersion and falling asleep curled up in a fetal position in a chair for two nights in a row). While cracking my knuckles my right thumb popped completely out of joint (and hurt like hell!) I just shook it off, but it's rather swollen today. Angie's response to that was "only you." Yes, I nearly break appendages while having grave discussions....hmmm.

And so, to conclude this slightly disconnected recount of recent days:
"...the decision that comes from Christ is...yes to love, for it alone, precisely with the risk of suffering and the risk of losing oneself, brings man to himself and makes him what he should be." --Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, Salt of the Earth

She Turned Me Into a Newt!

2006-04-27T03:12:00.000-04:00

...I got better...

European Deja Vu

2006-04-26T18:02:00.000-04:00

What I am doing....
What I'd rather be doing...
...or even better...a combination of the two. A true blend of education and experience.

Happy studies!

What Happens...

2006-04-25T18:58:00.000-04:00

...when you blend anachronisms...
...a motley, disgruntled, over-studied audience...
...a black woman playing the angel Gabriel...
...foot flossing...
...out of control eye brows...
...a strange brew...
...and a baby doll as Jesus...
Oh my.

The Tempest

2006-04-23T21:31:00.000-04:00

"They are both in either's powers; but this swift
business
I must uneasy make, lest too light winning
Make the prize light."

The Tempest
Prospero in Act 1 scene 2

Point taken. Could you ease up a little now?

The End Is Near

2006-04-11T00:13:00.000-04:00

As the college "winds down" we will be bringing potential buyers through the buildings. Don't worry...it will be utterly unobtrusive and hardly distracting.

Death Comes To Us All

2006-03-11T20:53:00.000-05:00

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands

Former Yugoslav leader Slobodan Milosevic, the so-called "butcher of the
Balkans" being tried for war crimes after orchestrating a decade of bloodshed
that killed 250,000 people and broke up his country, was found dead Saturday in
his prison cell. He was 64.

And so the final surviving member of the Triumpherate dies.

Ode to a Nightingale

2006-03-10T03:17:00.000-05:00

I am not a huge fan of Keats and yet his poem of a man in a stupor is completely fascinating. God grants humans brief flashes of Reality in order to teach men to reach for Him. We are so bound by the common and the everyday, of the earth and earthly, that we begin to think there is a disconnect between our spritual nature and our earth-bound nature. When man disconnects from God the flashes of Reality seem less and less realistic and he falls into a stupor. His understanding is drenched in agonies because there can be no hope in this denial. Keats describes man as he goes from stage to stage in life looking for satisfaction. He first dabbles in the pleasure in being blantantly self-destructive. After which he gets comfortable in the lull of common pleasures. The nightingale's beautiful song is the first thing to call him outside of himself. The choice of the nightingale is rather funny because the nightingale is an image of damaged beauty from the myth of Philomel: it is an emblem of innocence and beauty ravished then unjustly silenced. Yet the beauty is turned into a nightingale and is granted the gift of song as a replacement of speech. The speaker in Keats's Ode falls in love but he is unused to loving. It's funny that all people desire love and yet we are all so very bad at it initially. There is an incredibly despairing line from the movie The Greatest Show on Earth (incidentally one of the worst movies ever made): "Every man kills the thing he loves." This is true and yet it is unfinished. Love is death, but as Christ proved, in death you discover Love. So this man, this incomplete man, more used to chaos than peace wants the joy he finds in the nightingale. Howevr, he cannot figure out how to love. He reacts with the desire to consume rather than cherish. And so he says to the bird "Away! away for I will fly to thee, / Not charioted by Bacchus and his pards, / But on the wings of Poesy." He realizes that the courage in pursuit is the only way to find the nightingale. Yet when he shakes himself from his reverie -- startled by the everyday I would imagine -- he dismisses his former conclusions and promises. "Adieu! adieu! thy plaintive anthem fades"and he thus abandons his nightingale. The poem ends with a slap in the face: "Do I wake or sleep?" and the man is left in confusion. There is no satisfaction in his refusal to pursue his dream and the nightingale is left in her silenced state. I tend to think that the bird is still in a state of happiness, but one that is not completely fulfilled. I think that had he followed the bird, both would have achieved a fuller happiness and perhaps the bird would have learned to speak again. Keats left this poem open-ended as a challenge, I think. All of us are born in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. It's fine to dream but the wish falls flat. To pursue the dream could echo in eternity.

Ash Wednesday

2006-03-01T20:59:00.000-05:00

Like my esteemed colleague Kalishnikov, I hope to increase in moderation this Lenten season. (Can one increase in moderation?...as I wrote that it struck me as a contradiction in terms.) Anyway, I somehow have allowed this impenetrable bubble of Ave to become my prison, so in a counter-attack Monica, Natalie, and I are going to find a pertinant news story, read up on the subject and brief each other every day. Today's news story was an update on the avian flu which has apparently jumped species and infected a cat. Based on my research on the plague of Athens in 179 B.C. (I take little to no responsiblity on the exact date) from last semester that is definately not good news. For influenza to jump species means that it is indeed mutating. On the plus side, though, Mississippi, already one of the strictest states in abortion laws, is attempting to pass a ban on abortion (excepting abortions to save the mother's life).

And lastly, this is belated on two counts, but two delightful and devastingly handsome men just had birthdays on the 27th and the 28th. So happy birthday to both of you.

Fat Tuesday, or What You Will

2006-02-28T22:35:00.000-05:00

Immediately following Shakespeare Theo and I decided to celebrate Fat Tuesday. So we walked down to "The Keg" and bought the most decadent ice cream we could find. We then toasted ("Toast! I like toast.") to the hope that this semester will not kill our love of education. In spite of the frigid cold wind, we sat on the quad wrapped in blankets reading Twelfth Night. Just because we wanted to. It was heady. Dr. Beiting shouted at us that it was not spring yet, but after we reminded him of Fat Tuesday I think he was somewhat reconciled.

And now for some quotes

"Ladies, the odds are good but the goods are odd." ~ Dr. Beiting, on the men in Alaska

"Away! away! for I will fly to thee." Ode to a Nightingale John Keats

Justin: "I locked my inner child in a closet and beat him with a sock full of batteries. Did you starve your inner child, Sean?" Sean: "No, I overfed him like a goldfish until he burst at the seams."

For Mr. Williams

2006-02-17T18:47:00.000-05:00

A Prayer To St. Joseph

O blessed Joseph, faithful guardian of my Redeemer, Jesus Christ, protectorof thy chaste spouse, the virgin Mother of God, I choose thee this day to be my special patron and advocate and I firmly resolve to honor thee all the days of my life. Therefore I humbly beseech thee to receive me as thy client, to instruct me in every doubt, to comfort me in every affliction, to obtain for me and for all the knowledge and love of the Heart of Jesus, and finally to defend and protect me at the hour of my death. Amen

The Violet Cow

2006-01-18T19:23:00.000-05:00

William Blake + G.K.Chesterton = awesomeness

Once again I receive confirmation that in spite of the fact that my college career has only perpetuated the half-assed, unreliable, tottering instability of previous educational years, I am actually in the right place (I think). It is a running theme in my life that in hard times I just happen to be assigned a work of literature which answers my question of the hour. (The most obvious example being the vocatioal answer through The Four Quartets in Austria.) And now we have from Chesterton's biography on William Blake:

Impressionism is scepticism. It means believing one's immediate
impressions at the expense of one's more permanent and positive
generalisations. It puts what one notices above what one knows. It
means the montrous heresy that seeing is believing. A white cow at one
particular instant of the evening light may be gold on one side and violet on
the other. The whole point of Impressionism is to say that she really is a
gold and violet cow. The whole point of Impressionism is to say that there
is no white cow at all. What can we tell, it cries, beyond what we can
see? But the essence of Mysticism is to insist that there is a white cow
however veiled with shadows or painted with sunset gold. Blessed are they
who have seen the violet cow and who yet believe in the white one.

The Obnoxiously Antiquated Inexplicit Vocabulary

2006-01-13T15:17:00.000-05:00

One day in the girls' dorm last semester we were rather bored and decided to peruse the dictionary to find a new word to learn. And we found an excellent word. A word of such a phospherescent, cyclopian measure of goodness that we all memorized it. Upon checking my yahoo account today what do I find as word of the day? This same word waiting for me in my box.

Word of the Day for Friday January 13, 2006

sesquipedalian \ses-kwuh-puh-DAYL-yuhn\, adjective:
1. Given to or characterized by the use of long words.
2. Long and ponderous; having many syllables.
noun: A long word.

I take this to be a sign of encouragement for the coming semester as such a bonding experience comes full circle.

...Wow, do I have a life? I never considered myself an academic nerd before. Although...a certain gentleman was complimenting me one night this past week and the phrase that caught me blushing with pleasure was not "beautiful" but "very intelligent." That may be rather indicative. Of course, being thought beautiful never hurt anyone either.

Sweat, Splinters & Blood

2006-01-08T23:37:00.000-05:00

I am beginning to think that the music ministry of Holy Trinity entertains themselves by ensuring that the entire congregation cannot follow them. Oh, we try. We do try. We stumble drunkenly (I mean, figuratively! Good grief!) after the galloping and irregular tempos. Some people even continue after the absurdly sporadic grace notes. But then despair inevitably sets in. All of this serves to distract one from the watered-down prayers and homilies which include such vague gems as, "May you do what God wants you to do." I write this not to throw even more unnecessary criticism into the ring, but rather to make the point that Catholicism is not an institution to pat you on the back and regurgitate more self-esteem-building fluff into the sickly sweet atmosphere. As Dr. Thomas Howard said, "Catholicism is a religion based on sweat, splinters and blood." I don't need more vague, open-ended self congratulations. I can come with enough of that on my own. "Human kind cannot bear very much reality" (T.S.Eliot Four Quartets) and the Church is around as a constant reminder to us. And thank God for that.

Fusty

2006-01-04T16:46:00.000-05:00

I stalk the fusty halls armed with a feather duster and an antidiluvean vacuum cleaner in the wistful attempt to restore some order and respectabilty to our school. Sure it's being closed right out from under us, but in the meantime, shall we wave away the chalk dust and the three year old memories of fuller times to have a decent looking spring semester? At least not let the coffee grounds mold in the coffee maker. Thank you.

In further news, it is good to be back. I am looking forward to further quality time with certain people.

Happy Hogmanay

2005-12-31T19:44:00.000-05:00

Once friendship becomes a highly fragile, intangible animal to be treated delicately and with kid gloves, you know you've grown old. In this Purgatorial pit-stop of frienships with no eye contact people spend their time making single-serving best friends based upon convenience.

However, this state of emotional catatonia can be dispersed with the advent of a friend who speaks to your soul. These friends are generally recognized at first sight or within the first conversation. Because these frienships can take hard-knocks. They are earthy, gritty and physical. Even if the ratio of time here with Friend and time away from Friend is dismally off-kilter it doesn't change. The same damn jokes are as unfailingly funny. Moses Usher is still present as the third wheel; Independence is still the Stepford of Northeastern Ohio; "Snuggle" is still fodder for mockery; literature is still discussed with a sense of ownership; stuffed animals have kung-fu fights and are used as projectile weapons at one friend's anger at the effects of Gaming upon the other *cough*; and of course the relief that friends manage to grow in roughly the same direction. And grow up. *cough*Voldemort *cough*

The beautiful thing with this is, once you start these friendships more naturally follow. Then, if you're lucky, you find one soul who can speak worlds to you in a glance until you don't even know what this is that you have, in this gossamer thread of glances. You find that it has taken possession of you until every movement of your heart moves with the motion of the other. This new year, my resolution is to celebrate the people I can't live without.

In further news, I found one more reason to wish I was still in Edinburg. Apparently, the Scottish celebration of New Year's Eve, is one of the biggest, smashing-est of the year. Also, it's called Hogmanay which is one the the sweetest words I have ever heard in my life.

So Happy Hogmanay!

The Marriage of Heaven and Hell

2005-12-28T23:42:00.000-05:00

Without Contraries is no progression. Attraction and Repulsion, Reason and Energy, Love and Hate, are necessary to Human existence.

-William Blake

The Winds

2005-12-27T15:38:00.000-05:00

You must not abandon the ship in a storm because you cannot control the winds.

~ Thomas More

Does It Still Look Cool if My Teeth Are Chattering?

2005-12-21T16:05:00.000-05:00

Update : Day Five

It has been so frigid cold here that going out for a five minute smoke break requires as much bundling and prepping as deep-sea diving or a space odyssey. And it's still bone-chillingly cold even if I take a hot drink with me. This cuts the pleasure of smoking by at least 50%. I'm thinking this is the perfect time of year to cut back.

Spinning Intellectual Wheels

2005-12-21T04:08:00.000-05:00

Update : Day Four/Five

Made another cup of coffee with the espresso machine. This attempt far more successful than the first. Added chocolate syrup. Hmm, now thinking about making another cup.
Read more of The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe only to find that the blue bottle on the window sill is dead in the book. For the visual aspect of the film I think it was a good choice to resurrect the little bugger.
Mother finally getting impatient with me mainly because my work is preventing us from bonding/shopping. I look forward to the bonding but the shopping...*shudder*.
Rediscovered that if you leave your food unattended in this house it's fair game. What's that about?! "Here's a half eaten sandwich. It looks tasty. Maybe the maker of said masterpiece is done with it." I would like to point out I was away from my food for mere moments, no matter what the culprit may claim.
And finally, upon examining portraits of the author John Milton (pictured above), my opinion of him is confirmed. His creation of Adam and Eve is absolutely morbid as is his attempt to capture unfallen human nature. And this upsets me not only for the incorrect analysis of femininity (and therefore the marital union in general) but also for the unjust portrayal of God Himself. In Paradise Lost God basically stacked the deck against humanity. Thus while Milton admits to free will the already weakened nature of our first parents was so perilous what else was there but to sin? In summation, (as I can't rewrite my paper in this blog) Eve's main gift is likewise her main weakness (i.e. her beauty) while Adam's main weakness is his love for Eve. Meh?! She, in her nature is the Achilles' heel of the Garden. However, this is simply typical of British Puritan theology; Puritanism is almost dualist in their opinion of the body so naturally Milton would be antagonist toward beauty and marriage. Yet, as I said this all makes sense if you look at his picture. Is it just me or does he look like a pedantic, arrogant, self-absorbed bore?

Antidisestablishmentarianism

2005-12-19T14:55:00.000-05:00

Upate : Day Three

Yahoo not working again. Am getting slightly frustrated. Should pray that this is opportunity for increase in patience. But would rather pout. However, it is almost impossible to pout when you realize you could be increasing in virtue as we speak! if you'd just do something about it.
My puppy is snoring right now. She'd been following me around up till today, and now she's chilling on the armchair showing me she doesn't need me if I insist on keeping odd hours.
It's 14 degrees outside right now v. gray and unappealing.
Wow, this is a boring blog.

H. for the H. : Day Two

2005-12-18T15:11:00.000-05:00

Update:

Still annoying mother. No adverse effects as yet.
Couldn't sleep in this morning. Happy got so much sleep yesterday.
Yahoo now working.
Above picture is goal for end of break.
Still hoping to visit Mich. for New Years.
Bought Black Current "nektar" from Polish store in Little Warsaw, Cleveland after Mass. Disproportionately excited about this.
Brother's party went well. Got to talk to brother, Josh and sister-in-law Korie. Josh liked present and wrapping. (I gave him a framed B&W photo of him and Dad on their bikes; gift wrapped in black pinstripe fabric with red rick-rack...it looked sweet.) Feel successful as a result.
Don't feel like a working, but am hoping nektar will act as incentive. If that fails I can always irritate mother until she locks me in the basement.

Home for the Holidays : Part One

2005-12-17T21:25:00.000-05:00

I have been home for approximately eighteen hours, and I slept for about thirteen of them. Thus far, it's a decent break, but I already miss Sean and the internet won't let me check my yahoo account. I have been a brat for the past few waking hours in my attempt to deal with returning to the den of iniquity, I mean my house. (I kid, I kid!) Anyway, my mom and I have spent a nice few hours together, and so far my mom is patiently tolerating my mouthiness.

I'm going to learn a skill this break and since we have an espresso machine, I shall teach myself how to make yummy drinks. First attempt: moderate (but not stellar) success; I shall keep everyone updated.

I started re-reading The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe last night, and I will try to get ahead on my reading for 19th century lit class.

I was going to work late into the night but my brother Josh called me early this morning (well, 1 p.m. because my brother does not understand the joys of sleeping in late as he is, repulsively and bizarrely, a morning person) to let me know he was having his birthday party at his apartment tonight, and if I didn't come he would come and murder me in my sleep...or hold me down while the dogs licked my face. My brother and are just now rediscovering our familial closeness which generally manifests itself in trying to beat each other up. Anyway, I'm going to that tonight. I'm not at all sure how that will go as I am most definately not a party girl. I never know what to do at a party and I generally wind up being really bored and chain smoking. But I know a couple of his friends and my cousin Luke is supposed to be there so it probably won't be too weird.

The Home Alone poster has little to no bearing upon this blog (except to inform my gentle readers that it is 58% off!) but on Thursday Sean and I were trying to judge how vastly our age group was influenced by the Home Alone movies. How much were you formed by Mackuley Culkin's portrayal in the early 90s?

Freedom!

2005-12-15T20:16:00.000-05:00

The nature of the completion of Ave finals.

copyright Mel's cyber discoveries.

The Tragedy of a Liberal Arts Education

2005-12-14T22:47:00.000-05:00

Don't fill my tabula rasa with your scribblings!

I am a beverage phonetic.

Judaism is a monolithic religion whose God is called "Yahoo."

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

Complaining : Update

2005-12-13T01:21:00.000-05:00

After my last post I decided that my blog would no longer be wasted on my flippant, silly nothings of the day. Then finals happened.

My eyes are burning. I actually forgot to feed myself all yesterday until Natalie brought it up at 9 p.m. I am so tired I'm turning dyslexic, so when I passed the bookshelf in the RA office, I read The Mask of Zorro as The Rank of Ozarks.

However, Benthall's Renaissance final is done; Theo and I ensured sustinence for both of us tonight and made a lovely dinner together; I keep making myself laugh thinking of The Rank of Ozarks; when things just get to be too much Theo and I make each other laugh imitating Brad Pitt in Twelve Monkeys, "I'll have you shaved, sterilized and destroyed."

The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe was everything I could have hoped for. It was like my first view of Scotland when I visited; I had only just arrived, a stranger but it was all so familiar. I'd been there in my dreams. Upon careful examination, I decided that my favorite scene was when Lucy first discovers the wardrobe ("They even got the beetle on the window sill!" Joe repeated at least five times) and Lucy sweeps back the sheet revealing the door. (Lucy is so cute! I want British children!) Lucy goes into Narnia, loving the scenery, wondering at the beauty she finds around her. Then the adorable scene where she and Tumnus frighten each other.
"Were you hiding from me?"
"Or course not! I, uh, just didn't want to frighten you." The overhead shot of them under the umbrella is stunning. The entire scene of the discovery of Lewis' world was full of a child's wonder and the best response to beauty. It also shows the sharp contrast of how Edmund first comes into Narnia, distracted, suspicious, easily deceived.

And, yes, I still adore Edmund. I nearly lost it when a few people ripped on him after the movie. He is such a wonderful character. Edmund loves so deeply it is painful, but his main flaw lies in the fact that his love is at first foolishly misdirected. This was excellently captured in the beginning when he risked his life to get his father's photograph during a raid. In spite of all his flaws, he loves passionately (far more passionately then Susan ever could) and when he realizes his betrayal he chews on the ashes of his humility to be made clean. Lucy is enchanting, but Edmund is lovably flawed.

Narnia Confessions

2005-12-06T02:28:00.000-05:00

I have a confession to make: I have a particular affinity to Edmund. I realize that he is associated primarily with his failings in The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe and therefore he is not supposed to be anyone's favorite (or we are not to admit it at any fate). I've attempted to hide my preference for Edmund for years, but I'm not going to lie anymore. It's true and I'm not ashamed. It may be a reflection on my own formerly sketchy relationship with God, but be that as it may.

2005-12-05T04:25:00.000-05:00

You know you're reaching for distractions from work when now, now, at this time and no other, you should floss your teeth. In further news I have discovered that the roof of my mouth is ticklish. Odd. I would never have guessed that possible.

Twitchy McFlinch...

2005-12-03T21:22:00.000-05:00

...shall be my name. It has becomes appropriate given the last week of so. Ask Theo. She'd know. And now, next up is last minute homework yet again. Maha. Ha...Ha. Ha. (Mel, that was our British snob laugh.)

"Here and there does not matter
We must be still and still moving
Into another intensity
For a further union, a deeper
communication"

-East Coker
T. S. Eliot

Sean said Four Quartets is like reading the Mass in Latin. You are vaguely familiar with Latin and you are quite familiar with the Mass. You find illumination from phrase to phrase and know the stuff in between probably means something as well.

Eclipse

2005-12-01T00:43:00.000-05:00

We were covering Paradise Lost in Renassiance class today. Despite the fact that I really like the poem, I was a little spaced out in class, jotting down some random thoughts. However, as we came to the description of Adam and Eve I was jarred into attention by an appalling line about the genders:

For contemplation he and valor formed,
For softness she and sweet attractive graces,
He for God only, she for God in him

At this point, Theo looks at me, I look at Theo, we both look at the book, look back at each other and mouth, "What?!?!"
"Looks like you have something to say, Meghan," says Dr. Benthall.
"Yeah, this is wrong."
"Would you care to explain?"
"This is completely lacking in understanding the feminine genius! First, this ignores the fact that women actually can relate to God apart from man, because a woman can become the bride of Christ in the religious life. I suppose Milton can't be fully blamed because he was living without the Catholic understanding of Mary as the perfection of woman, and the Church as the Bride of Christ, but wow. Also, God created man and woman to guide one another to Himself. Apparently, Milton did not pay much attention to the role of Beatrice in Dante" Lest my fair readers by shocked at my unwonted verbosity I finished off my point with my typical eloquence, "I'm sorry. I'm going in circles, but this concept makes me so angry I could spit."

Later on in the poem, Eve says to Adam, "I was formed flesh of thy flesh / And without whom am to no end." What?!?! Yes, woman was created because it was "not good for man to be alone." However, God still created woman for her own sake. God is woman's end, not man. I love the idea of giving my life in devotion out of love for one man, and loving one man so much that I want to have a family with him. (I want to have your babies! *ahem*) But I would never want to do that without the awareness that my life (and my "end") belongs to God first. In addition to this, evidently Adam speaks of how he loves Eve yet her beauty distracts him. I mean, meh? It was Paradise. Fallen nature was not an issue at this point. What about the complementarity of the sexes? God knew what He was doing in creating Eve from the rib of Adam. Not the head, not the foot, but a bone created to protect his heart. However, another person has made this point far more eloquently than I can:

Than at those words was I; I grew God's lover
So wholly, needs must Beatrix' self admit
Eclipse, and I became oblivious of her.

But this displeased her not; she smiled at it,
So that the splendor of her laughing eyes
From one to many things recalled my wit

It took him a while but Dante learned to view beauty and his beloved as God intended: a window through which to view God Himself. Not as a distraction.

L'inferno

2005-11-29T08:52:00.000-05:00

Demon: This is hell, nor am I out of it.

~Dr. Faustus

Schmooky-ookums

2005-11-26T19:11:00.000-05:00

Louise, I wanted you to know I finally saw Easter Parade. Upon watching the movie I realized that I have apparently wasted the past twenty-two (Ah! 22!) years of my life in not learning to dance. I realized this when I found myself staring slack-jawed at the dancers, telling Monica and Jessica over and over "I wish I could move my body like that!" This discovery is devastating and I feel the need to rectify the problem at once before I damage my morale in envy. (Sean, I'll take you up on that offer to learn. Where are you? I mean, in the larger scheme of things how important is your thesis? We can make money dancing.) I am annoyed that I deceptively have the body of a dancer but...I still don't know how to dance. With a dancer's build all I should do is concentrate really hard, and voila! dance! but this attempt has failed in the past. People tell me everything worth having takes hard work...

The Shinning

2005-11-25T22:51:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving! It was great seeing my family, particularly my sister, Dawn and her family. The kids just get cuter and more entertaining. I definately wish I could have spent more time with Dawn, but we'll just have to plan better next time.

Also, I saw "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." And yeah, everyone was right...the development of Willy Wonka's character was a complete disappointment. (As is the picture quality of every picture of said Wonka. Meh.) Dahl would be very peeved.

So now I'm back on campus. Everyone is either gone or ill. It's snowy, freezing and I have nothing but work to do. All work and no play. I've been here for approximately fifty minutes and I'm ready to chew my own leg off. Something must be done about this. This cannot be healthy. Thank goodness we don't have elevators in Gabriel...

Love Unmoving

2005-11-23T21:42:00.000-05:00

Happy Golden birthday to me! Considering that I suffered the disappointment of not getting my longed for hot air balloon ride and all of my friends were/are utterly fried, I had a most successful birthday. My parents drove up a day early so they could celebrate my birthday with me. This filled me with warm fuzzies and hope that possibly my family would overcome the curse of the Barylak-Birthday-Breakdown one day. (In my family, the Celebrated either has a massive fight, spontaneously bursts into tears for no apparent reason, or my brother gets another piercing/tattoo and upsets my parents.) Anyhow, I got a bottle of Chardonnay on the house from Cady's Grill and enjoyed a lovely dinner with my parents with absolutely no hysterics.

Then I returned to campus and decided I wanted to have a little Austria nostalgia, so Monica and I went over to Matt's place to finish off the Chardonnay and watch The Twilight Zone, now my new favorite show. Brilliant. My parents called to tell me they were comfortable in their nesty little bed 'n breakfast watching...The Twilight Zone. I am frequently dicomfitted by the fact that I am so vastly different from everyone else in my family. Then I get reassurance that we do share some genes.

After this I returned to my dorm and experienced the Birthday Letdown which I'm sure everyone is familiar with, so I was left pacing my room like a caged animal wishing I'd had my hot air balloon ride. "Only the cause and end of movement:" It's not just the desire to defeat loneliness, it's the desire to discover something God-like in communion with someone else. Then I talked to Sean on the phone lo! and all was well. However, before the time that we planned to meet, Brigid called Sean. I sighed, happy that they finally got to talk, but wishing I could hang out with Sean and talk to Brigid rather than being in my room doing neither. Stupid distance problem. Regardless, after McN. chat Sean and I went to meet the frigid biting cold outside and enjoy a bit of my birthday together. Sean got me a beautiful journal knowing how obsessed with journals I am. He wrote a quote in it from a book I'd lent to him last summer. I always love the presents Sean gives me because in addition to being really nice they are things that actually have a relevance to what we know of each other. And out of the 55 page poem he picked one of my favorite quotes.

Anyway, my night ended with an incredibly nice chat with Angie. I was so glad that we're finally getting to know each other. We'd lived together for a year without really getting to know one another and I always rather felt like I was missing something. So yeah, that was great.

Brigid via email: "I hope you have a beautiful birthday and I wish you health, happiness, many drunken nights without hangovers, minty breath, a voluptuously curvy body, kids with fingers and toes!! and gosh darnit, just the best damn 22nd birthday you have ever had!!" Kalishnikov...you've outdone yourself yet again. Here's to you!

Oh, and manic-depressive camels are never cannibals.

The Flea

2005-11-22T16:59:00.000-05:00

If I were a cartoon character I'd be a schoolgirl samuri, complete with plaid skirt and knee high socks...or at least that's what Thea and I decided. Also, concluded: Roald Dahl is one of the best children's authors of last century.

As for A Night in the Orient I was still suffering from a blue funk due to sleep deprivation, work overload, and living on a depressed campus ready for collapse. (Milton claims one should fall into one's moods of both mirth and depression. I'd rather feel normal but I'm not one of England's most celebrated poets) Anyway, I still experience a feeling of triumph when recalling the dance because I went with a very handsome Irishman and there was no one I would have preferred dancing with. One dance in particular was rather interesting as we had a triumpherate of sexual harrassment as John (not so much his date) Justin and Mel, attacked Sean and I on the dance floor. I was incredibly shocked that anyone other than Louise would pinch my bottom. (for clarification it was Mel who so violated me, not one of the guys) Anyway, Sean and I acted entirely out of self-defense.

And now another poem for Torie:

THE FLEA.
by John Donne
MARK but this flea, and mark in this,
How little that which thou deniest me is ;
It suck'd me first, and now sucks thee,
And in this flea our two bloods mingled be.
Thou know'st that this cannot be said
A sin, nor shame, nor loss of maidenhead ;

Yet this enjoys before it woo,
And pamper'd swells with one blood made of two ;
And this, alas ! is more than we would do.
O stay, three lives in one flea spare,
Where we almost, yea, more than married are.
This flea is you and I, and this
Our marriage bed, and marriage temple is.
Though parents grudge, and you, we're met,
And cloister'd in these living walls of jet.

Though use make you apt to kill me,
Let not to that self-murder added be,
And sacrilege, three sins in killing three.
Cruel and sudden, hast thou since
Purpled thy nail in blood of innocence?
Wherein could this flea guilty be,
Except in that drop which it suck'd from thee?
Yet thou triumph'st, and say'st that thou
Find'st not thyself nor me the weaker now.
'Tis true ; then learn how false fears be ;
Just so much honour, when thou yield'st to me,
Will waste, as this flea's death took life from thee.

14 of the Holy Sonnets

2005-11-17T22:26:00.000-05:00

Batter my heart, three-personed God; for you
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurped town, to another due,
Labor to admit you, but O, to no end;
Reason, you viceroy in me should defend,
But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,
But am betrothed unto your enemy,
Divorce me, untie or break that knot again;
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

~ John Donne